Author: edgeofinfinityblog

On undying love 

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Precisely 10 months ago, I met the love of my life. Back then, I was oblivious to the fact that this boy with hazel eyes would grow to be someone I’d take a bullet for. Likewise, little did he know that I’d be the one he shares everything with. For almost a month, we questioned each other what we really were for we both knew that the relationship we shared was not merely friendship. It was something more than the ordinary bond between two friends. It was friendship laced with confusion, chaos and adoration.
A month later, in pursuance of my curiosity and my admiration for him, I gathered all my guts and asked him out. I cannot simply put in words the immense joy I was brimmed with when he said yes. Its been 10 months and our relationship has been extraordinary and beyond perfect. A perfect relationship embellished with imperfect tiny misunderstandings and the endless attempts at making up to each other. That’s proof that this is indefinitely the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
The spark never died. The electricity was never lost even after a zillion touches. The jokes never got old. Stargazing in each other’s arms never heard of boredom. The laughter never withered. The love in his eyes never even flinched. And boy am I the luckiest girl to have found the one. The one who doesn’t make me question his love for me, the one who loves me almost as much as I love him.
I’d do anything to have this boy beside me for the rest of my life. For he has shown me all that life has to offer and all the happiness he thinks I deserve. And one day, when I marry him, I’d feel more wholesome than how I feel every time he holds me. Our love doesn’t know any bounds. It will never cease to exist and yes, I firmly say this after being in a merely 9 month old relationship with him.

The aftermath

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“It will break you and wreck you beyond repair.”

“It is an interminable cycle of getting your hopes up high followed by heartbreak.”

“It is hopeless and you will be tormented.”

I can go on and on about these banal things pessimistic people say. Yes, it will hurt. If it was true, it will hurt all the more. But don’t you see the sunnier side to it? It is also the most beautiful feeling. Even the most brutal storms will end, and the next morning you will wake up to dewdrops on those unturned leaves. It will feel like the screaming sun after almost half a year of piercing winter. It will give you the most comfortable warmth you’ve ever felt. It will feel like the morning light dancing its way in through the drapes and shields after the darkest of nights. All of this will happen, maybe not right away, but someday. There’s just so much of hope. And when it does, it will make you experience the deepest of joys and everything around you will bask in your ecstasy. That someone, will stitch you up and mend you- all willingly and without any hesitancy. And at some point, you will be glad that it didn’t work out in the first place and that feeling is so empowering. She will make you shed tears of joy this time, will make every second of the pain you endured so irrelevant and will erase it entirely. You will not have experienced all these new highs without surviving the lows. This is the balance of life. Trust me, love will come around and it will treat you right, and in the end, all of this will seem worth it.

On dealing with failure

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So I failed my semester exam.

Failure had always been alien to me. Being the straight A student that I was in school, I always made sure to never put myself in such a situation. The worst that I had to deal with in the academic world was a C grade and let’s say it haunted me for a while.
So all my hard work and dedication paid off and I got admitted to a renowned college. The environment here was contrasting to that of the school’s. It’s competitive, and competition being one of my traits, I seemed like I fit in.
This wasn’t for long as things took a new turn. My weekly test results portrayed me as utterly average. And this feeling suffocated me. I was never taught to deal with mediocrity. I let it affect my confidence. I used the teacher’s biased evaluation as an excuse to make myself feel better.
It was time for the first semester’s final exams. I put in time and effort and prepared well. Consequently, I did fine and scored a decent GPA of 8.65. Though this without doubt doesn’t make it into the category of ideal GPAs, it really did boost my self esteem and confidence. It seemed like things were finally back on track and I felt strangely content.
Semester two began. We were warned by the teachers that this semester would be more of a challenge in comparison to the latter. We were introduced to two new subjects that the teachers called a nightmare, as they could make or break your GPA. I should’ve absorbed this and given it thought. But since I scored decently in my weekly tests, I let it pass.
Exam season came around again and I prepared well. I equipped myself to face the so-called nightmare and walked into the examination hall fearless. Much to our surprise, the format of the exam had changed. I soon came to a realization that not only do I know any of the answers to these questions, but I also won’t have ample time to write bullshit to fill up the pages of the booklet. I began to panic and I started to write, hands shivering. I miserably failed at trying to recollect the content. I couldn’t get the thought of failure out of my head as at that instant, I could see myself there.
I walked out of the hall, tears in my eyes, absolutely torn. I felt dejected and worthless. I couldn’t believe that I had walked myself into such a terrible and shameful situation. I began to question my ability and effort, though I knew that I worked hard for the exam. I felt dumb, stupid and not good enough.
All of this happened yesterday. And I still feel the same. I hit rock bottom and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back up. Not being able to cope with failure does really suck. I Googled a number of measures, and it did say – write about the experience to make yourself feel less miserable. So here I am, with puffy eyes and a terrible cold, typing away into a blank screen. People told me that it’s not the end of the world, but why do I feel like it is? I shouldn’t be handing this the power to tear me apart, but I’m not sure how not to. My self confidence is crashing down and the fire in me is burning out. The normal, determined me would never forgive me for saying this, but I’ve given up.
I know that someday I will recover from this failure and that the way I’m handling things right now is extremely dramatic. Probably someday, I’d think of this day and laugh if away, but today is just not that day, and that day isn’t gonna come around anytime soon. 

30/10/2016

Posted on by edgeofinfinityblog

​An indefinite aura emanates from this constellated ball of pleasing pastel, which keeps moving around on the inside of your head as though it knows no rest. If you concentrate close enough, you could actually feel it dancing around, making distorted patterns and nudging different parts of your brain in the process. With every nudge and every bounce, it never fails to string together certain thoughts and memories. The train of endless possibilities is what keeps you up at 2 AM. This ball touches the part of your brain that reminds you of the glow of his skin from the pale moonlight. And how his face sparks up when he goes on and on about something he’s passionate about. How complete you feel when he locks his hand in yours. Then it touches the part which brings back the irreplaceable feeling when he looks at you with those eyes, and these eyes reassure you that you are something that truly matters in his heart. Then it dances to the part where he knocks the wind out of you every single time he kisses your forehead. The part which sends shivers down your spine because a great love like this is ethereal, and nothing has made you feel surer. And slowly you feel yourself drifting away into deep slumber because at the end of a tiring day, just going back and over all the happy times is what eases you up, and that’s pretty much all you need.