On dealing with failure

So I failed my semester exam.

Failure had always been alien to me. Being the straight A student that I was in school, I always made sure to never put myself in such a situation. The worst that I had to deal with in the academic world was a C grade and let’s say it haunted me for a while.
So all my hard work and dedication paid off and I got admitted to a renowned college. The environment here was contrasting to that of the school’s. It’s competitive, and competition being one of my traits, I seemed like I fit in.
This wasn’t for long as things took a new turn. My weekly test results portrayed me as utterly average. And this feeling suffocated me. I was never taught to deal with mediocrity. I let it affect my confidence. I used the teacher’s biased evaluation as an excuse to make myself feel better.
It was time for the first semester’s final exams. I put in time and effort and prepared well. Consequently, I did fine and scored a decent GPA of 8.65. Though this without doubt doesn’t make it into the category of ideal GPAs, it really did boost my self esteem and confidence. It seemed like things were finally back on track and I felt strangely content.
Semester two began. We were warned by the teachers that this semester would be more of a challenge in comparison to the latter. We were introduced to two new subjects that the teachers called a nightmare, as they could make or break your GPA. I should’ve absorbed this and given it thought. But since I scored decently in my weekly tests, I let it pass.
Exam season came around again and I prepared well. I equipped myself to face the so-called nightmare and walked into the examination hall fearless. Much to our surprise, the format of the exam had changed. I soon came to a realization that not only do I know any of the answers to these questions, but I also won’t have ample time to write bullshit to fill up the pages of the booklet. I began to panic and I started to write, hands shivering. I miserably failed at trying to recollect the content. I couldn’t get the thought of failure out of my head as at that instant, I could see myself there.
I walked out of the hall, tears in my eyes, absolutely torn. I felt dejected and worthless. I couldn’t believe that I had walked myself into such a terrible and shameful situation. I began to question my ability and effort, though I knew that I worked hard for the exam. I felt dumb, stupid and not good enough.
All of this happened yesterday. And I still feel the same. I hit rock bottom and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back up. Not being able to cope with failure does really suck. I Googled a number of measures, and it did say – write about the experience to make yourself feel less miserable. So here I am, with puffy eyes and a terrible cold, typing away into a blank screen. People told me that it’s not the end of the world, but why do I feel like it is? I shouldn’t be handing this the power to tear me apart, but I’m not sure how not to. My self confidence is crashing down and the fire in me is burning out. The normal, determined me would never forgive me for saying this, but I’ve given up.
I know that someday I will recover from this failure and that the way I’m handling things right now is extremely dramatic. Probably someday, I’d think of this day and laugh if away, but today is just not that day, and that day isn’t gonna come around anytime soon.